Why I Reject Love.

March 16th, 2009 by blackmami

A boy says, “Women -

-tell me how is it when some one tries to care and love you -for real -when we send you flowers on your door -and share what we write just to you -does this make you feel good to belittle a man who really loves you -gives you nice things -bends over backwards to please you -

-what is wrong with being loved?

I don’t understand why you reject love when you know the thing we have here is totally real..”

Here are reason why I reject love:

1. I am evil

I am a pretty hardcore narcissist. Trust is very very important value in whatever I do in life.

For example: Being a doctor. A doctor has to trust himself that he could treat a patient with all the knowledge and skills he earned. A doctor has to trust himself that he is sure he knows what he is doing. Would you let someone who has doubt with himself to play with your life? - NO.

My point is..I need to feel comfortable saying, “I love you”. I need to feel content when I started sharing dreams and future with someone. I need reassurance not only that I am the only one, but also the words we poured onto each other will be fulfilled, at least tried.

2. I am not in a good state for a relationship

If there is no trust, there is nothing to look forward to with you. I just have to be with myself and someone else. Damn, I need good friends and my family.

3. I am recently hurt

The only answer to “Why do we hurt the most, The ones we love the most?”..

4. I didn’t like his approach

I never met a guy who is sensitive enough to know what he is supposed/should to do when rough time comes. I didn’t mean romantic guy because I believe they are all always full of bullshit.

P/S: Damn, I keep going falling into relationship with the same type of guy!!! It is hard to hit the one you exactly want, really. Looking back into my past relationships, I found they are all somewhat imperfect as an individual and yet, perfecting each other. You know what I mean?

Let say, your first bf has A criteria (eg. money) that you like, but B criteria (eg. compassion) that you wish he had. Then you guys broke up…Later on, you fell for another guy, with B criteria you like (wish your ex had), but didn’t have the A criteria that you would prefer (like your ex has)…Nobody is perfect. I think the guys would probably think the same way as I do ..

Well, I take Love-relationship seriously. I am not afraid of being lonely or being the only one who stuck in the middle of horny sex/kissing/groping/love-dialogue scene. Because Love is not those things you see outside. Its the fire inside that flames for many many years..

Only 1 out of 10 long-term relationships has the most fascinating feelings/nervous/heat-beats/shakes/butterflies-in-the-stomach towards each other like they were first met. Haih, I wish to be that 1 out of 10
Standard too high? Heh, at least I don’t wish for someone like Edward Cullen!